Hello flashback, nice to see you again

January 2009,

What did I ever do to disappoint you so much? How did I mess up? Did I even do anything intentionally? Because I'm not aware of ANYTHING at all. I'm not teaming up to scheme against you, neither is she. I hate it that you can't realize that and get it through your head. You're an asshole and you know it. All you manage to do with your so-called 'nothing but the truths' is tear us down and make us cry. Then while she locks herself in the bathroom, I lock myself in my bedroom only to conjure up more things to regret and feel guilty about. How could you do this to me, to us? For the longest time, you were my only savior, my only love, my hero. I loved you more than anything in the world and always showed it in every way imaginable. I helped you learn things as you taught me lessons about life. 'Life isn't fair' was one of those major lectures I heard weekly. And now you can't even follow it yourself; understand it yourself. I don't understand. You say you love me and touch my arm when we're in the car, but only after you yell about my attitude towards you. I'm not being fussy when I speak, I'm being protective of myself. And my strength may come off to be arrogance, resent, or even hate but it isn't. It's my way of trying to build up a wall so I don't end up crying in a corner from your words and doing things I'm trying to pull away from. Everything we do makes you want to leave even more, and everything you FAIL to do makes me want to push you out the door myself. And what hurts me is that you're never going to understand that. So no matter what I have done in the past, what I do tonight, what I'll do in the future, I'll be a scheming disappointment to you. But I'm not going to be sorry until you're sorry for everything you've done to us.

(Oh, how some things never change)