Attentiveness

Attentiveness is a big word for something that should seem so small. To be attentive, to pay attention, to be thoughtful, to be considerate, to observe and evaluate- THEN act. It all means the same. But lately, this big word has taken hold of a larger meaning.
It’s difficult to just.. Not notice how much you pay attention to the little, and big things around you; even the big things that aren’t around you but should seem like they could be figured out. If you see a sign, a vivid, understandable sign, then you should be open to its possibilities. ALL of them. Chances are they are going to benefit you, and if not now, in the long run they’re bound to help in one way or another. However, attentiveness doesn’t always mean a change, or even something you should act upon. It could just be something obvious you need to at least consider.
This past weekend, I was told to be more attentive as my reparation. I’m crying in front of him, all alone, out of anger, sadness, guilt, and relief. And the only words said to me were:
“Be more attentive..”
I had no idea what he meant nor did I ask. It was just a word of which I DID know the logical, legitimate definition, but I didn’t know how it could ever pertain to me.
Now I’ve realized that one word is a big part of life, of anyone’s life, no matter what place they’re in. To get through tough time, to hold on to those ever so lovely fulfilling times, and even more important, to be STRONG enough to ask for help. And although it is a big word, it shouldn’t be scary, intimidating, or impossible to uphold.

I’m not afraid anymore. For the FIRST TIME, I’m not afraid. Not afraid to notice all the things around me I’ve always wished to be oblivious to. That, of which, is good and bad. I must now act upon what I’m realizing even though it’s going to be hard as hell.
“Attentiveness (adj.): Characterized by or giving attention; observant”
Big word, big meaning. And even though it sounds small, it is so much to own up to.