Mending Mistakes

All the feelings in the air around you are seemed to be of disappointment and vulnerability. Trust is broken; you try to fix everything you’ve done for both yourself and the people around you. But no matter what happens, you feel like you’re walking on broken glass. Sometimes, the mistake cannot be placed exactly to what you’ve done wrong, but there’s something. You retrace your steps all the way back until the last time something went wrong; you reevaluate everything you’ve done, everything you’ve said. There are hints along the way, but there’s no way to place it.

So you say you’re sorry. Sorry for leaving, sorry for lying, sorry for believing so much more than what you should have. Sorry for things that were unclear to you but you knew that as cliché as the word was, it had to hit home in some way, shape, or form.

But no one believes you. You feel like the little boy who cried wolf. The one time you feel like you really are sorry, no one can see that. They begin to recognize your actions over your words.
The quiet scares you, overwhelms you, because nothing but thoughts are rushing around in your head. Sometimes, it makes you want to scream and cry because everything you need and everything you want is just out of reach. Forgiveness is out of reach when you need it most- love, compassion, understanding, intellect, inspiration. ALL of it is out of reach.

You may go your whole life never figuring out what you did wrong. It’s something you need to live with. Once you lose trust, things will never be seen the same again. And there’s no way to fully mend a mistake, no matter what everyone says.