Past.

The past is the past for a reason. Incidents cannot be changed, decisions you made will always have an impact on your life now. Everything has meanings we will never have the chance to pull apart and interpret, understand. Everyone’s history is different and there is not anyone who will understand it in the way you yourself do. But whatever it holds, it brought you to how you are today; who you are today.

We cannot change the inevitable. Fundamental but complex; it cannot be done. Even God cannot change the past; He of who is able to do all things. How to let go, how to understand, how to move on- that is the question.

“A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way”
- Pieces; Red

We fall from everything that happens in the present. We are broken, broken to pieces. And then, we think about everything that has happened to us. Some things not as bad as others, some worse; it scares us to think about how deep you are and how much deeper the future will pull you. Sometimes in life we need someone to take a moment and bring us back to who we remember. Back to those days when a day never went by in which you did not laugh, back to those days when you actually remembered every day happenings, back to those days when you were not paranoid every time someone with authority over you said the dreadful words, ‘We need to talk.’ Every person who comes into your life has a reason. Each has a message to share with you, another building block making up your life; another piece of the puzzle. We may not know it at the time; we may not ever figure it out. But there is a reason.

It was the last day of school. She was there, I was there. Getting picked up outside the ROTC building, people crammed themselves into my brother’s car with me, her included. I kept looking to the back, asking myself if I really wanted to leave that life. Leave the people who remained by my side through everything, leave the people who had, in one year, become my family. That small organization, that small group.. It had such an impact on building me up, breaking me down, finding who I was. Then, I was a scared little girl. But each and every one of them pushed me to my limits and made me cry. The funny thing is, the ones who were hardest on me seem to be the most important ones; the ones I cannot bear to let go of.

Looking back, things may seem unclear. Many questions remain of why and how. But nonetheless, it remains unchanged. Ask yourself, if you had the power to go back in time and change something, would you? If yes, then ask yourself this: if you changed something, where would you be today? No matter how big or how small, something in your present life would be altered. Everything that has been pushed to you has made you.

How you live your life is not automatically set in stone, you have to create it yourself. Apiece decision puts another portion of your life together. But then again, each decision once made cannot be changed. Be wise, you’re creating your past. Every second passed, every word read or said or thought.. It is building you. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worst; either way, it is creating history. And no one’s is similar.