We’re able to make our own decisions. We’re able to make our own mistakes. We’re able to make our own tread marks on the path through our life, as rugged and zigzagged they may be. Through making that path, we can influence others whether it be positively or negatively, we can make a small mark (or a big one for that matter) in changing something in the world. We have all this power. It’s there for us to take over, it’s there for us to grasp and make something of it. But sometimes that power can get to our heads. Sometimes that power can change us into someone we never thought we would be. Sometimes that power is used in a negative way and draws us away from a multitude of things.
When you have power, it feels like you have ultimate control. When you have power, you feel like nothing in the world can triumph over you. You get high on it. Completely high off of the power. But guess what? When that gets to your head, you’re the least in control. There’s a dark power making you believe you are invincible. That dark power is manipulative. It knows your weakest spots; it knows your darkest secrets. And once that dark power comes into your life and gets into your head, He is hard to get rid of. He confuses your right and wrong; He confuses your love and lust; He confuses every part of you.
You see Him in time. The first time you have that encounter, it’s like you never want to experience anything like it again. The first time you think about it after it happens it’s as if it’s unreal. You think you imagined it, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Whereas there’s a voice in your head saying that it’s all in your head and that something like that could never happen, there’s a smaller voice that pulls you in saying that it happened and something needs to change in your life.
“I will not bow,
I will not break,
I will shut the world away;
I will not fall,
I will not fake,
I will take your breath away.”
It takes a strong power, willpower, to overcome darkness. You’re scared shitless. You feel weak when you’re alone. You feel as if you’re never protected. You may even get to the point where seclusion and shutting yourself out of everything is the only option. Today, people like to reach out to others. For some, that reaching out is something that’s difficult to accept. You may feel like you are your own person; that you have the POWER to change yourself; that you have the POWER to help yourself with whatever may be happening.
In reality, you not taking that open hand is only letting the dark power win. It’s giving Him an opportunity to pull you in even more. It’s giving Him the opportunity to drag you away from any positive influence in your life. It’s giving Him an easier chance to change you and make you into someone HE wants you to be. That power which you think is yours really isn’t. All the negativity isn’t you. Somewhere deep down, you know it’s true.
One day you'll recognize what a true, positive, power is. You’re drawn in. You’ve been handed another opportunity for change. An opportunity for the Devil to hand the power He once had over you to God. An open hand.
It was always there, you remember. It was that little voice. It was that first thought of the want to change. You’re intrigued by the new power over you. Although you may fall at times, you know that you’re stronger now. Not powerful, but stronger.
“I will not bow,
I will not break..
I will take your breath away,
And I’ll survive.”
Realize, overcome, and grow into that stronger, less powerful person you’ve always aimed to be. Strength and power are completely different. It’s all up to you to distinguish them from each other.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Belief in Faith; Belief Through Church
Church is more than just a building and it’s more than just a community of people. Church is a something, somewhere where we have the opportunity to grow in our faith and relationship with God. Church presents the perfect chance to listen to His word, decipher His message to you, and put your entire self into creating a deeper connection with God. Faith is the most important part of the Church. Someone once told me, “Your faith should be like your shield. Faith protects because Jesus protects.” Everyone needs something solid to believe in. Whether or not it is seen is beyond the point. However, Church can be that one solid something in your life that you believe in; what it presents is something solid you can believe in.
The most important part of the Church is the Body of Christ, the Eucharist. It’s JESUS. It is HIS body given to YOU. We are kyriake, nothing less. Kirche is a German word derived from the Greek word, “kyriake”. We are called out to worship Him, listen to Him in an assembly of those who believe: ekklesia. We belong to God; we are the People of God. Jesus suffered for us, just for us. It’s like this: pretend you are standing in a public place. A man accuses you of something that is far from true and threatens to kill you. He says it’s either you or everyone else at the place. You see over a hundred people around you and choose to sacrifice yourself for their sake; for their family’s sake. Could you do it? Could you be that selfless? Jesus was. And He left something for us. He left His body and He left His teachings. We were created in God’s perfect image and we have a meaning to our lives. Our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit; it should be our honor to give back the holiness God has bestowed on us back to Him with Church. Through Church, we can develop a deeper meaning of those words and be reassured of His undivided love for us… each and every one of us.
If society allows, Church can change those people who are willing. It can show that there are alternatives to all the corrupt things civilization has brought itself to believe. However, nowadays people are so concerned with their own lives that it seems to be a troublesome task to take time and set it aside for God. If those people could be selfless for just one minute of their lives then things could change. There are 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week, 720 hours in a month, 8,760 hours in a year. On average, someone lives to age 70; to live 70 years is to live 613,200 hours. Over six hundred thousand hours we have in this life. It shouldn’t be so difficult to give back some of those to the man who created us in the first place. It shouldn’t be so difficult to at least try and believe in something bigger than yourself.
“… One thing for certain is that once you have faith, you are protected. You have armor for any struggles that come your way. And although you may not be holding it up when you need it most, it’s there. Faith is important in order to grow. Belief in something without proof, that’s strength. Maybe faith is difficult to find and build, maybe not so much. But then again, maybe we already have it.”
Then again, maybe Church is what gives us the strength to believe in faith.
The most important part of the Church is the Body of Christ, the Eucharist. It’s JESUS. It is HIS body given to YOU. We are kyriake, nothing less. Kirche is a German word derived from the Greek word, “kyriake”. We are called out to worship Him, listen to Him in an assembly of those who believe: ekklesia. We belong to God; we are the People of God. Jesus suffered for us, just for us. It’s like this: pretend you are standing in a public place. A man accuses you of something that is far from true and threatens to kill you. He says it’s either you or everyone else at the place. You see over a hundred people around you and choose to sacrifice yourself for their sake; for their family’s sake. Could you do it? Could you be that selfless? Jesus was. And He left something for us. He left His body and He left His teachings. We were created in God’s perfect image and we have a meaning to our lives. Our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit; it should be our honor to give back the holiness God has bestowed on us back to Him with Church. Through Church, we can develop a deeper meaning of those words and be reassured of His undivided love for us… each and every one of us.
If society allows, Church can change those people who are willing. It can show that there are alternatives to all the corrupt things civilization has brought itself to believe. However, nowadays people are so concerned with their own lives that it seems to be a troublesome task to take time and set it aside for God. If those people could be selfless for just one minute of their lives then things could change. There are 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week, 720 hours in a month, 8,760 hours in a year. On average, someone lives to age 70; to live 70 years is to live 613,200 hours. Over six hundred thousand hours we have in this life. It shouldn’t be so difficult to give back some of those to the man who created us in the first place. It shouldn’t be so difficult to at least try and believe in something bigger than yourself.
“… One thing for certain is that once you have faith, you are protected. You have armor for any struggles that come your way. And although you may not be holding it up when you need it most, it’s there. Faith is important in order to grow. Belief in something without proof, that’s strength. Maybe faith is difficult to find and build, maybe not so much. But then again, maybe we already have it.”
Then again, maybe Church is what gives us the strength to believe in faith.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Faith
Patrick Overton once said, “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”
Faith is believing without seeing. It is trusting in something you cannot comprehend. When things get tough, you are supposed to be able to rely on something stable, something that will not budge no matter what comes to it. You are supposed to be able to rely on faith- you are supposed to be able to rely on God. But if you aren’t tested of your faith, where does that bring you?
Things in life aren’t just handed to you. The same applies with faith. If you don’t work for it, there is no appreciation. You work to build your faith higher and higher, stronger and stronger. The love of God becomes stronger in your heart. But unlike material, earthly things, faith never runs out.
Matthew 9:22 says:
"Jesus turned and saw her.”Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment."
Our faith allows us to achieve SO many things. Once you let God in, your journey to ultimate happiness begins. You can let go of Him, but He will never let go of you. He loves you unconditionally. He created you, perfectly. Still, you may wonder what the point of faith is if it does not alter His love for you. Well, it’s simple. Although His love does not change, yours does. Faith enables you to become closer with God. It makes you have so much more belief in Him than ever before. And it grows and grows and grows.
Faith and the amount of faith one has determines his or her path. It divides those people who believe in God and those who do not. It is a factor in determining life. It’s important, and once you have it, it can change your life.
Patrick Overton once said, “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”
Let faith fill you; let it fill that empty spot inside your heart. Give it to God, let Him help. Let it allow you to spread your wings and fly. Let it save you. Let it be that solid something that will not budge when things become too tough to handle. Let it encompass you, with whatever state you are in. Let it manipulate you into something bigger, something stronger, something you never could have imagined.
Faith is believing without seeing. It is trusting in something you cannot comprehend. When things get tough, you are supposed to be able to rely on something stable, something that will not budge no matter what comes to it. You are supposed to be able to rely on faith- you are supposed to be able to rely on God. But if you aren’t tested of your faith, where does that bring you?
Things in life aren’t just handed to you. The same applies with faith. If you don’t work for it, there is no appreciation. You work to build your faith higher and higher, stronger and stronger. The love of God becomes stronger in your heart. But unlike material, earthly things, faith never runs out.
Matthew 9:22 says:
"Jesus turned and saw her.”Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment."
Our faith allows us to achieve SO many things. Once you let God in, your journey to ultimate happiness begins. You can let go of Him, but He will never let go of you. He loves you unconditionally. He created you, perfectly. Still, you may wonder what the point of faith is if it does not alter His love for you. Well, it’s simple. Although His love does not change, yours does. Faith enables you to become closer with God. It makes you have so much more belief in Him than ever before. And it grows and grows and grows.
Faith and the amount of faith one has determines his or her path. It divides those people who believe in God and those who do not. It is a factor in determining life. It’s important, and once you have it, it can change your life.
Patrick Overton once said, “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”
Let faith fill you; let it fill that empty spot inside your heart. Give it to God, let Him help. Let it allow you to spread your wings and fly. Let it save you. Let it be that solid something that will not budge when things become too tough to handle. Let it encompass you, with whatever state you are in. Let it manipulate you into something bigger, something stronger, something you never could have imagined.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Angels.
If I had to make one point about how we live our life and angels, it would be this:
When we’re born God gives us an open hand. It’s always there for us whenever we need it. It’s there to hold our hand when things get tough, to pat us on the back when we achieve something as little as tying our shoes for the first time or something as big as getting married and starting a family. That hand is always there for us, whether we fall into bad habits, addictions, depression, feelings of hate—even towards God. It is always open to us. But some of us are too scared to fully commit to God. That’s where angels come into play.
Angels have the ability to give you the slightest dose of faith and security of knowing that there is something out there, something much larger than us, which can fulfill our innermost desires of love, courage, wisdom, strength, and happiness. Angels are the mediators between us and God. They are there to give us a little pat on the back for our accomplishments or a hint when we pray instead of an answer. All of which angels provide is nothing compared to what you can get from God. Angels are providers, angels are protectors. Angels are the ones who build us closer to God.
When we’re born God gives us an open hand. It’s always there for us whenever we need it. It’s there to hold our hand when things get tough, to pat us on the back when we achieve something as little as tying our shoes for the first time or something as big as getting married and starting a family. That hand is always there for us, whether we fall into bad habits, addictions, depression, feelings of hate—even towards God. It is always open to us. But some of us are too scared to fully commit to God. That’s where angels come into play.
Angels have the ability to give you the slightest dose of faith and security of knowing that there is something out there, something much larger than us, which can fulfill our innermost desires of love, courage, wisdom, strength, and happiness. Angels are the mediators between us and God. They are there to give us a little pat on the back for our accomplishments or a hint when we pray instead of an answer. All of which angels provide is nothing compared to what you can get from God. Angels are providers, angels are protectors. Angels are the ones who build us closer to God.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Percentages.
There are way too many things the children of today have to face. It’s as if everything waited to get this bad and in the future it can only get worse. Approximately twenty-five percent of people ages 12 to 20 suffer from an eating disorder; five of that percent end up dying from it. There is an estimated 20 million people in the United States who suffer from depression. Nine percent of kids ten years old and younger are diagnosed with ADHD. Since when are all these problems rising? Why can’t it just be how it seemed to be years and years ago- kids running around all the time, no worries, no concern that your child will be kidnapped walking to a friends’ house, any of that. It is not how the world is supposed to be. It is not at all, and none of it makes sense.
There is no valid reason why things should have turned out this way. The people in your life are supposed to build you up, not tear you down. And those who enter your life are not meant to just break free at their will.
I don’t get personal. But this has gone too far. The world is so screwed up that every little thing has to be evaluated. Today, no one can tell the truth from a lie. There are no shortcuts in life. The things worth achieving are worth fighting for. As for me, I am just beginning to fight. I screw up and let myself down on a daily basis. Everything builds up and those, ‘Oh I’m fine’ sentences are the last string. You break down to nothing and just when you think you are getting to exactly where you want to be something else happens that puts you right back into that rut.
You have to find that strength inside yourself, I have to find the strength inside myself, which enables you to believe you are capable of anything and everything, because you are. All those conformities mean nothing. And every second you lose is another second you cannot gain back. It’s lost forever. In this life, the main goal is to create who you are. Are you going to be vulnerable or stand up for yourself? Sit back and watch the world pass you by or take action? Take responsibility or act like a child? We all need to grow up. This is our time. And with the percentage of screwed up people, this society needs us to start acting like adults sooner.
That’s it, pointblank. Grow up; you aren’t incapable of being who you want to be. You aren’t helpless and you don’t need anyone else to tell you that. Problems are getting stronger and the people are getting weaker. It’s our time to take control.
Perfection.
There is no one even near perfection in this humane world. Those who seem to have everything in place are usually the ones most broken. They see nothing of importance in the world except material things to take the place of the lack of happiness they crave. Although not quite perfect, those who are poor and in need are closer to perfection than any others. When the only thing to rely on is belief in faith, everything makes a turn for the better.
So why is it that those who have nothing in the end have the most? It is because those who have nothing are able to believe without seeing instead of seeing in order to believe. Believing in faith enables one to find an eternal love- more specifically, the eternal love in God. He is more powerful and loving than any human being can come close to becoming. There is no ultimatum with God for He is the epitome of perfection.
In our society, there is always a standard that hasn’t been quite met and in the entire bustle of the world, people seem to lose sight of the things that really matter. For some, the idea of being lost is worrisome. Not being able to see that light at the end of the tunnel because you’re on a curve, getting even more off track from all the speed bumps and rocks thrown in the middle of the road.
Go even to the extent of saying love cannot near perfection. But it used to seem perfect- all those sitcoms portraying ‘the perfect family’ or ‘the perfect couple’. They cannot be meaningful because there is not a way to create a love without worry and concern; there are always faux pas in love. A few wrong words, a couple incidents- nowadays there are a number of things which can endanger a love which people share.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
1 John 4:18
The only one who can give eternal, infallible love is God. And with Him, one cannot be afraid. He is the protector and we are the children. His love does not fluctuate based on decisions we make. We are made perfect in His eyes, through His love. And concluding from that, we have no reason to fear.
Steubenville, Atlanta 2009.
There are always going to be times when you feel like no one is around. Where there seems to be no one to comfort you when you are crying, calm you when you are scared. But there is one person who is always constant. And that person is God.
Steubenville, Atlanta 2009. Nothing like it in the world.
“You’re stuck in a thorn bush, trying to get out. But every time you try to free yourself, you get struck with your sins- the thorns. Then Jesus sees you. He is mighty enough to take a sword and cut you out, but instead He pulls the thorn bushes from around you with His bare hands. The thorns cut deep into his skin but He still persists because He doesn’t want to risk hurting you with the sword. He would rather take the pain to save you, his child, from your hurt.” (Mark Hart)
God touched me, and everyone else, in so many ways this past weekend. I learned an immense amount about myself and I struggled with battles that had been constantly going on inside me. I can’t even begin to explain what Steubenville changed inside me. And this time, I really am changing things about myself.
God cares about you. He cares about you more than anyone else in the world ever could. He has a grand plan for you, only for you. You were created perfect in his eyes- absolutely perfect. It’s hard to understand but it’s true.
There used to be only two people I absolutely needed to live in this world. Now, it’s three.
He works wonders, let Him do it on you.
Remembrance.
When you go through something in your life, there is always some thing in the future that will reflect on the past. Maybe it’s a person, maybe it’s a smell. But whatever it is, it’s remembrance.
I remember the first time I ever wrote something really meaningful. I was sitting on the bus on my way home, thinking about everything that had been happening in my life. A song started playing on my iPod, blasting loud into my ears. There was this one verse that triggered a lot of emotions. I kept on rewinding it, listening to it over and over again. It was so intense it actually brought tears to my eyes. I got off the bus and started walking down my street. Still replaying the song again and again, I looked down and saw a leaf on the road. And just as I was feeling, the leaf looked. It was totally broken, had been thrown all over the place by the wind, and was just a complete a mess.
I have this thing about symbolism. I can see something and relate it to something even deeper without realizing it. I overanalyze things just as much. So when I heard the lyrics of the song, then the leaf on the road, my mind went crazy. I got inside my house and for the first time, felt that compelling desire to write. So I did. And there began this entire.. Thing. My need to write; my love to write.
Recently, the song has been playing on the radio quite a bit. I put in a CD and it was on the track. And that one line, the one same line that impacted me seven months ago, still makes my heart tighten a little.
The things you’ve been through may be better than worse. Or they maybe worse than better. It will always be your past and there will always be things that come up and remind you of events that happened in your life. If you weren’t supposed to remember them, you wouldn’t. But you were given a mind, a memory, all to help you remember your lifetime.
Not one other person in the world has lived your life. Not one has your story. YOU own it, only you. There may not be ways to express your views to someone else only because they don’t have your mind. It’s as simple, but at the same time so complex, as that.
Remembrance; it impacts all of us in the smallest of ways.
Butterfly Fly Away.
Just as caterpillars must turn into butterflies, we must someday turn into adults. To be able to break free from our nest and make something big of ourselves. Today, we may not know what we’re going to be in the future but we still have our dreams.
Caterpillars have this instinct to begin their new life, forming cocoons, they pull themselves in from everything happening in the world. Although caterpillars don’t hide away out of fear, they still isolate themselves while changing, they know that in so much time they will have the ability to emerge a bigger, more powerful insect. They will have beautiful wings, allowing them to see the world in a completely different perspective. Teenage years reflect this.
Even though we know we have a future and our dreams, we still pull away from others and sometimes even ourselves. During these years, we’re growing in our own little cocoons, discovering new things to better prepare ourselves for adulthood- being a butterfly.
Soon enough, the newly formed butterfly will have to fly away- butterfly fly away.
Rain.
All things are living. There isn’t a thing in the world that can hold in every emotion for as long as time passes. Clouds pour rain, drowning the world in sadness. To some, the rain is a cleansing. To others, it is a weakness. Our rain is pushing its way through our bodies, trying to get out. And one incident, one tick, unlocks the floodgates inside of us.
See the rain, gaze at its beauty. And even if it isn’t your rain falling.. it’s someone out there’s. Someone out there is crying, someone out there is broken. Someone out there is falling to pieces.
Maybe they’re right next to you. Maybe they’re miles away. Either way, they are living.
Pray for them. Help them. Because chances are if it were you, you would want someone there to hold you up when you’re crashing.
Instinct.
In life, we are given countless opportunities. Some things emerge without notice, without reason; others give the fullest explanation in advance, in a way to prepare us for what is to come. So, how do we prepare for the unknown? How can we predict what will happen with enough time to put together our thoughts? And that’s just it- we cannot do any of these things.
This is the time we must rely on instinct. Instinct which we have leaned on throughout the years, built up throughout our lives. The instinct telling us to take our first steps is the same instinct telling us that he or she is the one to spend the rest of our lives with. The instinct telling us to stand up for something is the same instinct telling us to just let things be for the better.
So what do we do when we feel no instinct to such surprises that come up? We have to reach, reach deep down and try to harness all those emotions, feelings, thoughts, concerns and find what feels right. Sometimes, what seems right is the answer. Other times, what is the right answer doesn’t feel right. Either way, instinct is the basis of all intelligence and thought. Instinct will always be present to make choices, ask questions, and act.
"He doesn’t know to want for more because nothing in his life has been as much as this...on that night he thinks that no one has ever had so much and only later will he know he should have asked for more." Ann Patchett (Bel Canto)
When things happen, our thoughts become blurry and can easily get caught up in the moment. Instinct tells us to wait. Our minds tell us to act. Instinct tells us to reach out, minds tell us to pull back; instinct tells us to ask for help, minds tell us help is useless. Nevertheless, all the chances given to us are based around our actions on them.
Every choice we make matters. Every word we say matters. Every act we do matters. Even those things we don’t do matter. Every second of every day we are making choices. Some of these choices are made subconsciously; breathing, blinking, moving, thinking, etc. Those choices are by instinct. No one taught us how to breathe, no one taught us how to think, no one taught us how to blink. We know these things by nature.
Therefore, we should not dwell on the things we cannot alter when there are opportunities and decisions waiting to be made. Although the verdict may not come as easily as how to breathe and so on, we must build up our lifelong pattern of thought, impulses, to gain the knowledge to make these choices. Odds are, once we connect our mind with our human nature, things will become a bit simpler; we will be closer to all our answers.
Past.
The past is the past for a reason. Incidents cannot be changed, decisions you made will always have an impact on your life now. Everything has meanings we will never have the chance to pull apart and interpret, understand. Everyone’s history is different and there is not anyone who will understand it in the way you yourself do. But whatever it holds, it brought you to how you are today; who you are today.
We cannot change the inevitable. Fundamental but complex; it cannot be done. Even God cannot change the past; He of who is able to do all things. How to let go, how to understand, how to move on- that is the question.
“A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way”
- Pieces; Red
We fall from everything that happens in the present. We are broken, broken to pieces. And then, we think about everything that has happened to us. Some things not as bad as others, some worse; it scares us to think about how deep you are and how much deeper the future will pull you. Sometimes in life we need someone to take a moment and bring us back to who we remember. Back to those days when a day never went by in which you did not laugh, back to those days when you actually remembered every day happenings, back to those days when you were not paranoid every time someone with authority over you said the dreadful words, ‘We need to talk.’ Every person who comes into your life has a reason. Each has a message to share with you, another building block making up your life; another piece of the puzzle. We may not know it at the time; we may not ever figure it out. But there is a reason.
It was the last day of school. She was there, I was there. Getting picked up outside the ROTC building, people crammed themselves into my brother’s car with me, her included. I kept looking to the back, asking myself if I really wanted to leave that life. Leave the people who remained by my side through everything, leave the people who had, in one year, become my family. That small organization, that small group.. It had such an impact on building me up, breaking me down, finding who I was. Then, I was a scared little girl. But each and every one of them pushed me to my limits and made me cry. The funny thing is, the ones who were hardest on me seem to be the most important ones; the ones I cannot bear to let go of.
Looking back, things may seem unclear. Many questions remain of why and how. But nonetheless, it remains unchanged. Ask yourself, if you had the power to go back in time and change something, would you? If yes, then ask yourself this: if you changed something, where would you be today? No matter how big or how small, something in your present life would be altered. Everything that has been pushed to you has made you.
How you live your life is not automatically set in stone, you have to create it yourself. Apiece decision puts another portion of your life together. But then again, each decision once made cannot be changed. Be wise, you’re creating your past. Every second passed, every word read or said or thought.. It is building you. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worst; either way, it is creating history. And no one’s is similar.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Reassurance.
It is a motivation to keep striving when things become unbearable and all paths are crossed, covered in dark fog. It is a protection, but also a knowledge that someone cares. For some it comes naturally- what to do, what to say, how to say it, how to do it, the distance needed to keep that relationship sanctified. But no matter what, the way it’s done isn’t as important as who does it.
There are some people who thrive off reassurance. It’s not dependency. Usually those who look for that reassurance are more independent than dependent. A small touch, a few words, something as simple as an ‘I care’. It makes your heart jump a little because you realize as terrible as things may seem, there has to be something someone can say to make you feel better. And that ‘I care’? Although it may not be what you need, your heart jumps because it’s close. Every word matters.
“You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
To take it all away”
You see someone struggling and you just fall apart. You think and realize there must be something, something, you can do to help him or her. This is even harder if the person is close to you. The last thing you want to imagine is losing someone you truly love. But when that person is in such a rut where he or she can’t even remember the simplest reasons of importance and meaning, let alone what happened less than a day ago, you realize you can only say and do so much. We as people are not armed to take control of such drastic measures.
“Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I just want you to know”
There has to be a reason for why we act the way we do. There has to be a reason for the need of reassurance, even with the smallest of things. Maybe it’s because growing up, some of us didn’t get enough of it. To others, it may be because it was pushed onto us with no consent. Either way, now it’s our turn. It’s our place to be open to those who need it and reassure them things are in their right place, only it’s them who are off track.
“That if you fall,
stumble downI'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in youI'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting if you fall
Oh you know I'll be there for you”
To not give up on the person is most important. Giving up takes away everything, for both you and the person being overtaken with everything. And Strength? Strength I understand with great clarity. Sometimes, strength is hiding everything behind a smile. Sometimes it’s breaking out and screaming. Sometimes it’s pushing away people and habits to go for things on your own. Any which way, everyone has their own form of strength deep inside. As for faith, just think about it tied in with reassurance. Prayers, intentions, both said and silent, and that overbearing trust and love in God to make things right. THAT is faith. THAT is reassurance.
If only one thing, know there is someone waiting, wanting to hold you when you cry, comfort you when your upset, break you free when you’re encompassed in chains. Everyone has their low points. Some have lower points than others. Some are to the lowest of the low, darkest of the dark.
But reassurance changes everything- outlook, feelings, inclines- even if you can’t see it now.
There are some people who thrive off reassurance. It’s not dependency. Usually those who look for that reassurance are more independent than dependent. A small touch, a few words, something as simple as an ‘I care’. It makes your heart jump a little because you realize as terrible as things may seem, there has to be something someone can say to make you feel better. And that ‘I care’? Although it may not be what you need, your heart jumps because it’s close. Every word matters.
“You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
To take it all away”
You see someone struggling and you just fall apart. You think and realize there must be something, something, you can do to help him or her. This is even harder if the person is close to you. The last thing you want to imagine is losing someone you truly love. But when that person is in such a rut where he or she can’t even remember the simplest reasons of importance and meaning, let alone what happened less than a day ago, you realize you can only say and do so much. We as people are not armed to take control of such drastic measures.
“Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there're so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I just want you to know”
There has to be a reason for why we act the way we do. There has to be a reason for the need of reassurance, even with the smallest of things. Maybe it’s because growing up, some of us didn’t get enough of it. To others, it may be because it was pushed onto us with no consent. Either way, now it’s our turn. It’s our place to be open to those who need it and reassure them things are in their right place, only it’s them who are off track.
“That if you fall,
stumble downI'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in youI'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting if you fall
Oh you know I'll be there for you”
To not give up on the person is most important. Giving up takes away everything, for both you and the person being overtaken with everything. And Strength? Strength I understand with great clarity. Sometimes, strength is hiding everything behind a smile. Sometimes it’s breaking out and screaming. Sometimes it’s pushing away people and habits to go for things on your own. Any which way, everyone has their own form of strength deep inside. As for faith, just think about it tied in with reassurance. Prayers, intentions, both said and silent, and that overbearing trust and love in God to make things right. THAT is faith. THAT is reassurance.
If only one thing, know there is someone waiting, wanting to hold you when you cry, comfort you when your upset, break you free when you’re encompassed in chains. Everyone has their low points. Some have lower points than others. Some are to the lowest of the low, darkest of the dark.
But reassurance changes everything- outlook, feelings, inclines- even if you can’t see it now.
Reasons.
We have a reason for being here. Sometimes, it’s unclear; usually it’s unclear. But nonetheless, it’s a reason. Oftentimes, we lose that goal. We lose the place we need to reach to and get caught up in all the little things. Those little things take away the big picture, the big picture being all the positive things bringing you to where you need to be; bringing you to where you can finally figure out the meaning for being placed on this… place.
Things are going to push themselves at you. They’re going to push you to your limits, break you down, tear you apart to the lowest of the low. And as easy as giving up seems, in the end it’ll hurt you more than if you didn’t give up. To give up is to let go, to let go of everything you once stood for, everything you’ve believed in, everything you’ve fought for, everything you’ve cried over.
Little things rip you to shreds. And you can easily get tied up into the small things and lose focus of getting to where you need to be; the top of the mountain, the finish line, the end of the page.
Every struggle and every chance is a risk. I know that, you know that. We may not think so at the moment, but every single thing we do is impacting us and our life, our future. We are forming our future RIGHT NOW. We’re discovering our reason to be here. Actually, we’re creating our reason. Nothing is set in stone like religion says. Religion may say different, but logic says there is no way to determine our every action, motive, and thought before it happens.
Our reason is now. Our reason is here. Our reason is whatever we want it to be. In order to quit focusing on every negative that is thrown our way, our thought process needs a drastic change. Every second counts. Look at a clock and watch the second hand tick away, the numbers pass by. Each time it moves a little is a little piece of your life gone. It’s a second passed in which you could have done something. It’s a second gone away, a second…
Albert Einstein once said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
He was right. And that scares me. But nevertheless, it’s all true. Nothing matters more than the thought process needed to build yourself up and get to where you need to be. Quit slacking, quit lying, quit giving up, quit wasting time. Get up and climb towards something impacting. Take in the moments and find your reason. MAKE your reason. Push through, be strong and get through every battle that comes across your path. Make an oath to never be where you are at now. Find your reason, make your reason. Let go of everything else.
Move on with your problems. Try your hardest, get through everything. Just never, ever give up again. You can’t. I can’t.
Things are going to push themselves at you. They’re going to push you to your limits, break you down, tear you apart to the lowest of the low. And as easy as giving up seems, in the end it’ll hurt you more than if you didn’t give up. To give up is to let go, to let go of everything you once stood for, everything you’ve believed in, everything you’ve fought for, everything you’ve cried over.
Little things rip you to shreds. And you can easily get tied up into the small things and lose focus of getting to where you need to be; the top of the mountain, the finish line, the end of the page.
Every struggle and every chance is a risk. I know that, you know that. We may not think so at the moment, but every single thing we do is impacting us and our life, our future. We are forming our future RIGHT NOW. We’re discovering our reason to be here. Actually, we’re creating our reason. Nothing is set in stone like religion says. Religion may say different, but logic says there is no way to determine our every action, motive, and thought before it happens.
Our reason is now. Our reason is here. Our reason is whatever we want it to be. In order to quit focusing on every negative that is thrown our way, our thought process needs a drastic change. Every second counts. Look at a clock and watch the second hand tick away, the numbers pass by. Each time it moves a little is a little piece of your life gone. It’s a second passed in which you could have done something. It’s a second gone away, a second…
Albert Einstein once said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
He was right. And that scares me. But nevertheless, it’s all true. Nothing matters more than the thought process needed to build yourself up and get to where you need to be. Quit slacking, quit lying, quit giving up, quit wasting time. Get up and climb towards something impacting. Take in the moments and find your reason. MAKE your reason. Push through, be strong and get through every battle that comes across your path. Make an oath to never be where you are at now. Find your reason, make your reason. Let go of everything else.
Move on with your problems. Try your hardest, get through everything. Just never, ever give up again. You can’t. I can’t.
Illusions.
Illusions on the wall make you unsure. You see something that you would not normally think of. Something comes up and scares you, pushes you to your limits, and tears you down. You see the same image over and over; hear the same words again and again.
Then you take a step back and realize just what it is. It isn’t just some aspect of your mind. It’s a message. It’s a message telling you who you really are and who you will always be. Face it, change never happens. No matter what, you always fall back into everything you once despised. No recovery, it’s always going to be a part of you. And if there was one positive piece of an illusion, it would be the realization of things you can’t get rid of.
Illusions happen. You are who you are. No one, nothing can change that.
Then you take a step back and realize just what it is. It isn’t just some aspect of your mind. It’s a message. It’s a message telling you who you really are and who you will always be. Face it, change never happens. No matter what, you always fall back into everything you once despised. No recovery, it’s always going to be a part of you. And if there was one positive piece of an illusion, it would be the realization of things you can’t get rid of.
Illusions happen. You are who you are. No one, nothing can change that.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Let it Rain.
Everything is deadened. No one find you, no one hears you. Crying on the floor, wishing something could find a way to help instead of bringing the want of more, wishing someone would break through and help. Someone to notice the pain, dolefulness, burdens held in the deep pockets of your over bearing heart.
Stop the sorrow, stop the temptation, remove the lock off of yourself. Open up; open up every emotion, every feeling, every despair, every hope, every burden, every concern. Someone will hear your cry, see your tears, and come to you. Relieve you from all your pain and struggles. No longer will a razor, a bottle, a person be the way to escape.
“Let it rain, Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of Heaven
Let it rain, Let it rain.
Open the floodgates of Heaven
And let it rain.”
Don’t let fear hold you down. This life is only given once. Don’t regret, don’t hold back. Remove the lock from your soul and give it away. Let it go. Let your body, mind, soul fall into the Spirit. Feel yourself crying to the utmost capacity, feel yourself shake, let yourself go, let yourself fall. Close your eyes and look at the light beyond the golden gate. Pull yourself away from the chains holding your feet, the demons pulling you down. Pull yourself away from Baal, Asmodeus, and any other darkness. Let the light shine through to you. See the man on the other side, clothed in white with a hand open wide through the bars. Don’t let the lock stop you. See past it, work past it. The temptations pulling you down are full of power, manipulation, and confusion. At full force they try their hardest to scare you into becoming a follower. Look past the present, look to the future. Fire, hatred, darkness; light, love, understanding-eternity.
In an instant, you will feel hands seeming to catch you as you fall. They stay holding you, they stay strong. There is a great feeling of peace as you are assured you will not be let go of until you’re ready to take off on your own. Because those hands, that person, will hold you up when things become unbearable. Those hands will grant hope, encouragement, understanding, and forgiveness. Every tear will be wiped away and peace will overtake your body. Someone is always there.
Open up to every emotion and every despair. Every hate, every oppression. Every grudge, every enticement. OPEN UP. Do not be fearful, for hands will catch you as you fall. Let tears fall with no concern. Let go of the locks, let go of the anxiety. Let go, open up. There will no longer be numbness, there will no longer be burdens overtaking you. There will be peace, there will be relief. Relief in its utmost form- no razor, no bottle, no person. True relief.
“Open the floodgates of Heaven,
And let it rain.”
Stop the sorrow, stop the temptation, remove the lock off of yourself. Open up; open up every emotion, every feeling, every despair, every hope, every burden, every concern. Someone will hear your cry, see your tears, and come to you. Relieve you from all your pain and struggles. No longer will a razor, a bottle, a person be the way to escape.
“Let it rain, Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of Heaven
Let it rain, Let it rain.
Open the floodgates of Heaven
And let it rain.”
Don’t let fear hold you down. This life is only given once. Don’t regret, don’t hold back. Remove the lock from your soul and give it away. Let it go. Let your body, mind, soul fall into the Spirit. Feel yourself crying to the utmost capacity, feel yourself shake, let yourself go, let yourself fall. Close your eyes and look at the light beyond the golden gate. Pull yourself away from the chains holding your feet, the demons pulling you down. Pull yourself away from Baal, Asmodeus, and any other darkness. Let the light shine through to you. See the man on the other side, clothed in white with a hand open wide through the bars. Don’t let the lock stop you. See past it, work past it. The temptations pulling you down are full of power, manipulation, and confusion. At full force they try their hardest to scare you into becoming a follower. Look past the present, look to the future. Fire, hatred, darkness; light, love, understanding-eternity.
In an instant, you will feel hands seeming to catch you as you fall. They stay holding you, they stay strong. There is a great feeling of peace as you are assured you will not be let go of until you’re ready to take off on your own. Because those hands, that person, will hold you up when things become unbearable. Those hands will grant hope, encouragement, understanding, and forgiveness. Every tear will be wiped away and peace will overtake your body. Someone is always there.
Open up to every emotion and every despair. Every hate, every oppression. Every grudge, every enticement. OPEN UP. Do not be fearful, for hands will catch you as you fall. Let tears fall with no concern. Let go of the locks, let go of the anxiety. Let go, open up. There will no longer be numbness, there will no longer be burdens overtaking you. There will be peace, there will be relief. Relief in its utmost form- no razor, no bottle, no person. True relief.
“Open the floodgates of Heaven,
And let it rain.”
Baal.
From the time we are born, we are praised for our accomplishments and scorn for our dissatisfactions. We learn what is right according to our parents, relatives, friends; we learn what is wrong according to the same. But in any case, what is right? What is wrong? Take any scenario and there are two valid sides only because we have all been taught something different through our childhood.
The Book of Jeremiah says:
“For as numerous as your cities are your gods, O Judah! And as many as the streets of Jerusalem are the altars for offering sacrifice to Baal.”
Baal is a representation of the Devil. He is one of most well-known representations. Some of us struggle with one of the top things on his list, one of the top things we are pulled into monthly, weekly, possibly daily. He is the highest ranked demon and has complete control as king of the East part of Hell. According to Francis Barrett, he has the power to make those who invoke him invisible, and to some other demonologists, his power is stronger in October. According to some sources, he can make people wise, and speaks hoarsely. He has the untouchable power of both manipulation and confusion to constrain onto each of us.
We live in a world where the line between right and wrong is quickly faded. The line is miles and miles back, far before we were given the gift of free will. Since the beginning of time, humanity has progressed to its current standpoint. Elementary students are seeing things that 50 years ago, college students would be just beginning to see. High school students are engaging in things that 50 years ago, teenagers would shame towards with great discretion.
There are so many roads for us to choose in our lifetime. We are all going to make mistakes, we are all going to fail, we are all going to have regrets. But it is up to us to stand up to those voices and misplacements and understand our choices are our own. Those manipulations are not our own thoughts. We don’t have that incredible power over ourselves, our minds.
Jeremiah 11:13; Read it, interpret, repent.
The Book of Jeremiah says:
“For as numerous as your cities are your gods, O Judah! And as many as the streets of Jerusalem are the altars for offering sacrifice to Baal.”
Baal is a representation of the Devil. He is one of most well-known representations. Some of us struggle with one of the top things on his list, one of the top things we are pulled into monthly, weekly, possibly daily. He is the highest ranked demon and has complete control as king of the East part of Hell. According to Francis Barrett, he has the power to make those who invoke him invisible, and to some other demonologists, his power is stronger in October. According to some sources, he can make people wise, and speaks hoarsely. He has the untouchable power of both manipulation and confusion to constrain onto each of us.
We live in a world where the line between right and wrong is quickly faded. The line is miles and miles back, far before we were given the gift of free will. Since the beginning of time, humanity has progressed to its current standpoint. Elementary students are seeing things that 50 years ago, college students would be just beginning to see. High school students are engaging in things that 50 years ago, teenagers would shame towards with great discretion.
There are so many roads for us to choose in our lifetime. We are all going to make mistakes, we are all going to fail, we are all going to have regrets. But it is up to us to stand up to those voices and misplacements and understand our choices are our own. Those manipulations are not our own thoughts. We don’t have that incredible power over ourselves, our minds.
Jeremiah 11:13; Read it, interpret, repent.
Helen Keller.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved” Helen Keller.
Helen Keller was born a healthy baby. At nineteen months, she fell into a harsh sickness leaving her both deaf and blind. She became such a difficult child to care for that her family began to consider sending her off to an institution, believing it would be the only solution. Instead, a doctor recommended her to see Anne Sullivan. She was the director of a more low key institution and had lived a childhood similar to Keller. They lived together, and one day a miraculous thing happened. Spelling out a word, just one word, made the world clear for Keller. From that point on, everything went uphill. She took everything hour by hour, day by day, and rapidly progressed to normality. Throughout all her struggles and recovering, she was able to stay strong.
“Soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired..”
We all go through terrible things that tear us down to the deepest core. We believe no one understands us and looks down upon us with isolation because there is something different about us. We become weak, vulnerable, scared, unmotivated; the world seems to have neither sounds nor visions. Everything is gray. Everything is meaningless.
We have hit the lowest of the low, lower than rock bottom.
We can’t relate to anyone or anything, but when someone reaches out for the better, everything changes. Someone takes a step and shows you there is still something out there and there are people who care, regardless of your past and present stance.
Granted, unlike Keller, this change of ourselves in relation to others will not, cannot, happen so suddenly. However, we can be greatly impacted by people around us. There can always be someone to stay by us, help us reach the place of semi-normality; help us get back on track. We are all born healthy, we are all faced with difficult struggles, we are all strung to believe there is only one answer. But there isn’t, there is an abundance of answers. Most of them are right in front of us.
“Soul be strengthened.. ambition inspired..”
We can be inspired by the little things. Spell out the word water with your finger in the air; a miracle may happen.
Helen Keller was born a healthy baby. At nineteen months, she fell into a harsh sickness leaving her both deaf and blind. She became such a difficult child to care for that her family began to consider sending her off to an institution, believing it would be the only solution. Instead, a doctor recommended her to see Anne Sullivan. She was the director of a more low key institution and had lived a childhood similar to Keller. They lived together, and one day a miraculous thing happened. Spelling out a word, just one word, made the world clear for Keller. From that point on, everything went uphill. She took everything hour by hour, day by day, and rapidly progressed to normality. Throughout all her struggles and recovering, she was able to stay strong.
“Soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired..”
We all go through terrible things that tear us down to the deepest core. We believe no one understands us and looks down upon us with isolation because there is something different about us. We become weak, vulnerable, scared, unmotivated; the world seems to have neither sounds nor visions. Everything is gray. Everything is meaningless.
We have hit the lowest of the low, lower than rock bottom.
We can’t relate to anyone or anything, but when someone reaches out for the better, everything changes. Someone takes a step and shows you there is still something out there and there are people who care, regardless of your past and present stance.
Granted, unlike Keller, this change of ourselves in relation to others will not, cannot, happen so suddenly. However, we can be greatly impacted by people around us. There can always be someone to stay by us, help us reach the place of semi-normality; help us get back on track. We are all born healthy, we are all faced with difficult struggles, we are all strung to believe there is only one answer. But there isn’t, there is an abundance of answers. Most of them are right in front of us.
“Soul be strengthened.. ambition inspired..”
We can be inspired by the little things. Spell out the word water with your finger in the air; a miracle may happen.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Who am I.
We matter. All of us matter in one way or another. As confusing as times may be, there is someone out there who is going to stay by our side, someone who will NEVER let us down. There’s a way to reach where we’re supposed to be and there’s a way to recognize our importance to the world.
The world would change without you in it. You play an important part in everything happening now, and everything waiting to happen in the future. Don’t run away when things become unbearable. Don’t shun out others. Let them in, talk to those who are there to listen. Don’t be afraid of trust, truth, and comfort. Those are just a few of the many emotions formed to make us realize the complexity of the human being and the fulfillment of realizing we are amazing creatures and have so much to live for.
Stop looking around at the negatives of the world; the murders, forces of nature, abandonment, abuse, solitude. The world will never be perfect, or near perfection. That is how life is, that is where we are and where we will remain. You may not be able to be an optimist, but you can learn to accept things for how they are instead of throwing everything to the side. “I am a flower quickly fading,Here today and gone tomorrow,A wave tossed in the ocean,A vapor in the wind.Still you hear me when I'm calling,Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,And you've told me who I am.”
Find yourself. Find who you want to be; you are the only one who can define yourself. You can be nothing but a depressed person, or you can be a depressed person who is gradually working to recover. You can be a fearful person, or you can be someone who fears but works to build up courage. You can be struggling, but someone who is set on becoming stronger. Don’t let your mind overtake your soul. Two completely different things, keep them that way. Your soul is pure, no matter what incidents your past holds. It is a clean, God-given gift. He crafted each and every one of our bodies, hearts, beings. He did, God. He gave us minds, but of which we have formed on our own conscience. He overlooks us and our decisions, as petty and disappointing as most of them are. Yet, he gave us the free will to create our own selves. Not to create our particular human form, but our morals and our standards. Find your inner self, don’t be afraid of it. Someone out there is ready to listen. Someone out there is ready to help you. Don’t run away, let that person in. It’s a decision you must make on your own but it’s also a decision you must think about.
There are over 6 billion people in the world. Each of us matter. We all have a different purpose. Over 6 billion variations seem impossible, but it is living. We all struggle, we all doubt. But there is someone waiting, someone calling. Look around you, a someone, your someone, may be sitting right next to you. They may be watching over you. They may be miles and miles away. But they are there. You are connected with them, in unimaginable ways. Don’t run away when you feel there is nothing to live for. YOU MATTER. You matter to me, you matter to everyone in the world, even though you may not know it yet. But you matter, and if nothing else, you matter to Him. Don’t fear, break down and accept the things you cannot change. Then take a step back to realize your importance in the world.
Ease your mind and replenish your soul. Remind yourself someone is waiting for your answer to His call. Don’t run, don’t fear. Be guided in finding yourself, despite your past.
“Still you hear me when I'm calling…And you've told me who I am.”
The world would change without you in it. You play an important part in everything happening now, and everything waiting to happen in the future. Don’t run away when things become unbearable. Don’t shun out others. Let them in, talk to those who are there to listen. Don’t be afraid of trust, truth, and comfort. Those are just a few of the many emotions formed to make us realize the complexity of the human being and the fulfillment of realizing we are amazing creatures and have so much to live for.
Stop looking around at the negatives of the world; the murders, forces of nature, abandonment, abuse, solitude. The world will never be perfect, or near perfection. That is how life is, that is where we are and where we will remain. You may not be able to be an optimist, but you can learn to accept things for how they are instead of throwing everything to the side. “I am a flower quickly fading,Here today and gone tomorrow,A wave tossed in the ocean,A vapor in the wind.Still you hear me when I'm calling,Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,And you've told me who I am.”
Find yourself. Find who you want to be; you are the only one who can define yourself. You can be nothing but a depressed person, or you can be a depressed person who is gradually working to recover. You can be a fearful person, or you can be someone who fears but works to build up courage. You can be struggling, but someone who is set on becoming stronger. Don’t let your mind overtake your soul. Two completely different things, keep them that way. Your soul is pure, no matter what incidents your past holds. It is a clean, God-given gift. He crafted each and every one of our bodies, hearts, beings. He did, God. He gave us minds, but of which we have formed on our own conscience. He overlooks us and our decisions, as petty and disappointing as most of them are. Yet, he gave us the free will to create our own selves. Not to create our particular human form, but our morals and our standards. Find your inner self, don’t be afraid of it. Someone out there is ready to listen. Someone out there is ready to help you. Don’t run away, let that person in. It’s a decision you must make on your own but it’s also a decision you must think about.
There are over 6 billion people in the world. Each of us matter. We all have a different purpose. Over 6 billion variations seem impossible, but it is living. We all struggle, we all doubt. But there is someone waiting, someone calling. Look around you, a someone, your someone, may be sitting right next to you. They may be watching over you. They may be miles and miles away. But they are there. You are connected with them, in unimaginable ways. Don’t run away when you feel there is nothing to live for. YOU MATTER. You matter to me, you matter to everyone in the world, even though you may not know it yet. But you matter, and if nothing else, you matter to Him. Don’t fear, break down and accept the things you cannot change. Then take a step back to realize your importance in the world.
Ease your mind and replenish your soul. Remind yourself someone is waiting for your answer to His call. Don’t run, don’t fear. Be guided in finding yourself, despite your past.
“Still you hear me when I'm calling…And you've told me who I am.”
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Patience.
Who has the ability to understand the concept of patience, to the fullest extent? We all have some sense of it but even so, barely any of us show it every single time it’s needed. Patience is one of the key factors in becoming a well developed, kind person. And without it, we are only dooming our future persons. But seriously, why is it all that important? I mean more than half of the things in this world take time to develop, understand, fall into place, etc. But beyond all that, it ties into trust. And trust is one of the only things people today grab hold of in times of need.
In order to trust, one must be patient and have a significant amount of patience to endure everything trust may bring. Trust is hard. Patience is even harder. The saddest part is one cannot be fully developed without the other. Hand in hand, moon in the sky, sand on the beach, stars during the night. None can exist without the other, just as trust cannot coincide without patience.
The definition of patience is a quick and steady perseverance. So how does, or how can, one work to this stance of diligence? The answer is simple- move at a slower pace. Take time to notice the smaller things around you as gifts instead of faults. Birds chirp to make music, not noise. Dogs bark to warn, not annoy. Technology dying from working to the best of its abilities for as long as it can bear instead of being a useless piece of plastic, metal, or what is so. Rain falls to replenish nature, not burn out plans for a Friday night. Things around us are more good than bad. Yeah, there are definitely a countless number of faults and defects. But somehow we need to readjust our minds to understand the concept of good vs. evil where good wins.
Patience is more than the word we were taught in grammar school. Its definition is more in depth than the most educated people of the world can grab hold of. Its complexity overwhelms me. The drastic measure needed to reach true patience engulfs me even more.
And this, coming from a girl who has focused on nothing but the negatives for the longest time? It means something. It means we are going to be completely dramatized, completely shocked, when we come to the conclusion that without patience- without trust- we cannot go anywhere.
In order to trust, one must be patient and have a significant amount of patience to endure everything trust may bring. Trust is hard. Patience is even harder. The saddest part is one cannot be fully developed without the other. Hand in hand, moon in the sky, sand on the beach, stars during the night. None can exist without the other, just as trust cannot coincide without patience.
The definition of patience is a quick and steady perseverance. So how does, or how can, one work to this stance of diligence? The answer is simple- move at a slower pace. Take time to notice the smaller things around you as gifts instead of faults. Birds chirp to make music, not noise. Dogs bark to warn, not annoy. Technology dying from working to the best of its abilities for as long as it can bear instead of being a useless piece of plastic, metal, or what is so. Rain falls to replenish nature, not burn out plans for a Friday night. Things around us are more good than bad. Yeah, there are definitely a countless number of faults and defects. But somehow we need to readjust our minds to understand the concept of good vs. evil where good wins.
Patience is more than the word we were taught in grammar school. Its definition is more in depth than the most educated people of the world can grab hold of. Its complexity overwhelms me. The drastic measure needed to reach true patience engulfs me even more.
And this, coming from a girl who has focused on nothing but the negatives for the longest time? It means something. It means we are going to be completely dramatized, completely shocked, when we come to the conclusion that without patience- without trust- we cannot go anywhere.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
DEEP RED
One piece, one look. It digs through, deep into your soul. Looking down, there’s nothing but a deep red liquid flowing out. Something so little finds a way to satisfy so much. The dark red blood symbolizes the fear and hate caged inside. As the piece of metal comes in contact with the bare, pale, scarred flesh, it rapidly flashes across to only make another memorabilia of the depression and stress overtaking your whole body. It’s an indescribable comfort. Safety somehow finds its way like nothing else does. The thought of the rush, the looseness, the compelling impulse to see the dark red color, only to prove you’re still alive. Something inside is still living, even if your external figure feels as if it is not. It digs deep down, hitting further than the bottom of your heart, further than even your soul. Nothing feels as good but at the same time as terrifying. The blood is no longer a part that keeps you alive, but an addiction. Taking one look at what once was a factor of seclusion is now a factor of acceptance. Each time a scar is made, the want of more increases. The deep red becomes more undeniable each time until one day, it all subsides into a darkness like no other.
23 murders, 25 days
25 murders in 23 days. It has to mean something about what the world is coming to. We kill people out of hate, selfishness, and retaliation. Has society really dropped so low to where it seems murder is the only way out? The death of someone may not affect the murderer, but there are friends and family who have to face the consequences of the other’s egotistical action. Murder may not even mean the death of someone, entirely. It could be the murder of everything someone once stood for, their reputation or their standards.
Someone comes into your house with a gun. They drag each of your family members out of each room and sit them on a sofa. Everything is blurred and you can’t make out the person’s face. You hear screaming come from your mouth and your mother’s. You hear the man say he is going to kill each person, one by one, and everyone else has to watch another suffer until there is no one left. You hear a gunshot and then your mother scream. You realize your father has been shot. As each second passes, your surroundings become more blurred. You’re so terrified it feels as if you’re going to fall and never be able to recover.
Then with one pull back of air, you jump back into reality. It was nothing but a dream.
For some people, it’s reality. Some people have to face the fact that someone important to them I gone forever from someone else’s mistake. And the fact is the murder most likely won’t even be phased by what they’ve done.
Look around; murders are lurking and hiding behind fake smiles and excuses. They say they’re sorry for gossiping, betraying, everything else that may come up. But they aren’t. They take pride in what they’ve done and believe they’ve earned respect for exposing you to something you have always hoped to keep hidden.
25 murders in 23 days? When the world ends let’s hope it’s not because of murder.
Someone comes into your house with a gun. They drag each of your family members out of each room and sit them on a sofa. Everything is blurred and you can’t make out the person’s face. You hear screaming come from your mouth and your mother’s. You hear the man say he is going to kill each person, one by one, and everyone else has to watch another suffer until there is no one left. You hear a gunshot and then your mother scream. You realize your father has been shot. As each second passes, your surroundings become more blurred. You’re so terrified it feels as if you’re going to fall and never be able to recover.
Then with one pull back of air, you jump back into reality. It was nothing but a dream.
For some people, it’s reality. Some people have to face the fact that someone important to them I gone forever from someone else’s mistake. And the fact is the murder most likely won’t even be phased by what they’ve done.
Look around; murders are lurking and hiding behind fake smiles and excuses. They say they’re sorry for gossiping, betraying, everything else that may come up. But they aren’t. They take pride in what they’ve done and believe they’ve earned respect for exposing you to something you have always hoped to keep hidden.
25 murders in 23 days? When the world ends let’s hope it’s not because of murder.
Mending Mistakes
All the feelings in the air around you are seemed to be of disappointment and vulnerability. Trust is broken; you try to fix everything you’ve done for both yourself and the people around you. But no matter what happens, you feel like you’re walking on broken glass. Sometimes, the mistake cannot be placed exactly to what you’ve done wrong, but there’s something. You retrace your steps all the way back until the last time something went wrong; you reevaluate everything you’ve done, everything you’ve said. There are hints along the way, but there’s no way to place it.
So you say you’re sorry. Sorry for leaving, sorry for lying, sorry for believing so much more than what you should have. Sorry for things that were unclear to you but you knew that as cliché as the word was, it had to hit home in some way, shape, or form.
But no one believes you. You feel like the little boy who cried wolf. The one time you feel like you really are sorry, no one can see that. They begin to recognize your actions over your words.
The quiet scares you, overwhelms you, because nothing but thoughts are rushing around in your head. Sometimes, it makes you want to scream and cry because everything you need and everything you want is just out of reach. Forgiveness is out of reach when you need it most- love, compassion, understanding, intellect, inspiration. ALL of it is out of reach.
You may go your whole life never figuring out what you did wrong. It’s something you need to live with. Once you lose trust, things will never be seen the same again. And there’s no way to fully mend a mistake, no matter what everyone says.
So you say you’re sorry. Sorry for leaving, sorry for lying, sorry for believing so much more than what you should have. Sorry for things that were unclear to you but you knew that as cliché as the word was, it had to hit home in some way, shape, or form.
But no one believes you. You feel like the little boy who cried wolf. The one time you feel like you really are sorry, no one can see that. They begin to recognize your actions over your words.
The quiet scares you, overwhelms you, because nothing but thoughts are rushing around in your head. Sometimes, it makes you want to scream and cry because everything you need and everything you want is just out of reach. Forgiveness is out of reach when you need it most- love, compassion, understanding, intellect, inspiration. ALL of it is out of reach.
You may go your whole life never figuring out what you did wrong. It’s something you need to live with. Once you lose trust, things will never be seen the same again. And there’s no way to fully mend a mistake, no matter what everyone says.
Crumpled Paper
Crumpled pieces of paper on the floor. They end up being tossed into a trashcan. Not recycled for future use, just thrown away; like they’re meaningless. And on those pieces of paper are thoughts, ideas, dreams, passions, wants, need, encouragement, words. Each ink spot, scratch out, eraser mark means something. And even if they seem pointless, we could need them someday.
Attentiveness
Attentiveness is a big word for something that should seem so small. To be attentive, to pay attention, to be thoughtful, to be considerate, to observe and evaluate- THEN act. It all means the same. But lately, this big word has taken hold of a larger meaning.
It’s difficult to just.. Not notice how much you pay attention to the little, and big things around you; even the big things that aren’t around you but should seem like they could be figured out. If you see a sign, a vivid, understandable sign, then you should be open to its possibilities. ALL of them. Chances are they are going to benefit you, and if not now, in the long run they’re bound to help in one way or another. However, attentiveness doesn’t always mean a change, or even something you should act upon. It could just be something obvious you need to at least consider.
This past weekend, I was told to be more attentive as my reparation. I’m crying in front of him, all alone, out of anger, sadness, guilt, and relief. And the only words said to me were:
“Be more attentive..”
I had no idea what he meant nor did I ask. It was just a word of which I DID know the logical, legitimate definition, but I didn’t know how it could ever pertain to me.
Now I’ve realized that one word is a big part of life, of anyone’s life, no matter what place they’re in. To get through tough time, to hold on to those ever so lovely fulfilling times, and even more important, to be STRONG enough to ask for help. And although it is a big word, it shouldn’t be scary, intimidating, or impossible to uphold.
I’m not afraid anymore. For the FIRST TIME, I’m not afraid. Not afraid to notice all the things around me I’ve always wished to be oblivious to. That, of which, is good and bad. I must now act upon what I’m realizing even though it’s going to be hard as hell.
“Attentiveness (adj.): Characterized by or giving attention; observant”
Big word, big meaning. And even though it sounds small, it is so much to own up to.
It’s difficult to just.. Not notice how much you pay attention to the little, and big things around you; even the big things that aren’t around you but should seem like they could be figured out. If you see a sign, a vivid, understandable sign, then you should be open to its possibilities. ALL of them. Chances are they are going to benefit you, and if not now, in the long run they’re bound to help in one way or another. However, attentiveness doesn’t always mean a change, or even something you should act upon. It could just be something obvious you need to at least consider.
This past weekend, I was told to be more attentive as my reparation. I’m crying in front of him, all alone, out of anger, sadness, guilt, and relief. And the only words said to me were:
“Be more attentive..”
I had no idea what he meant nor did I ask. It was just a word of which I DID know the logical, legitimate definition, but I didn’t know how it could ever pertain to me.
Now I’ve realized that one word is a big part of life, of anyone’s life, no matter what place they’re in. To get through tough time, to hold on to those ever so lovely fulfilling times, and even more important, to be STRONG enough to ask for help. And although it is a big word, it shouldn’t be scary, intimidating, or impossible to uphold.
I’m not afraid anymore. For the FIRST TIME, I’m not afraid. Not afraid to notice all the things around me I’ve always wished to be oblivious to. That, of which, is good and bad. I must now act upon what I’m realizing even though it’s going to be hard as hell.
“Attentiveness (adj.): Characterized by or giving attention; observant”
Big word, big meaning. And even though it sounds small, it is so much to own up to.
Symbolism.
'Always' by Saliva.. I kept listening to it over and over again trying to figure it out. There's this line that kept repeating in my head.
"I wrap my hand around your heart, why would you tear my world apart"
I realized it doesn't always have to pertain to a 'someone', but a 'something'. It's like, you put so much trust into something and give it your all every time. But all it does is bring you down and further than you ever were before.. and there's no way of getting back, or even higher, to where you were before everything just collapsed.
I was walking down my street and when I was almost to my house I saw this leaf in the middle of the culdesac. It was obvious that it had been messed around with for a while, being tossled by the wind and rain and being crushed under the tires of cars. But with all that, it wasn't broken. It was still in one piece.
It means you can't let everything tear you down. You're still there in the end and if you pull through long enough everything will fix itself.
The rain will dry, the wind will subside, the marks of everything that ran over you will still be there but they act as a reminder to stay where you are and to not fall to a lower level in order to, what you think, will fix it all.
It just seemed like this obvious symbolism for life and how we take it, control it, harness it.Take it into consideration.
"I wrap my hand around your heart, why would you tear my world apart"
I realized it doesn't always have to pertain to a 'someone', but a 'something'. It's like, you put so much trust into something and give it your all every time. But all it does is bring you down and further than you ever were before.. and there's no way of getting back, or even higher, to where you were before everything just collapsed.
I was walking down my street and when I was almost to my house I saw this leaf in the middle of the culdesac. It was obvious that it had been messed around with for a while, being tossled by the wind and rain and being crushed under the tires of cars. But with all that, it wasn't broken. It was still in one piece.
It means you can't let everything tear you down. You're still there in the end and if you pull through long enough everything will fix itself.
The rain will dry, the wind will subside, the marks of everything that ran over you will still be there but they act as a reminder to stay where you are and to not fall to a lower level in order to, what you think, will fix it all.
It just seemed like this obvious symbolism for life and how we take it, control it, harness it.Take it into consideration.
Three Roads.
There are only three roads in life. The good one, filled with hope, undivided love, and guidance; the ugly one, filled with countless mistakes, decency, and struggles; and the bad one, filled with hate, darkness, and failure. The choice between these roads is clear..
God's way, your way and ONLY your way, and the Devil's way.
About a month ago, I saw two roads- the good and the bad. I couldn't stick to one so I made my own down the middle which turned into the ugly road. I wasn't able to commit to anything or, for that matter, anyone. It sucked and I was so close to giving up forever that it almost killed me in itself.
Tonight was ADORE 2097. I saw the roads again and made my final decision. Granted, I didn't commit to that one road but I became so much closer. The first steps took such a toll on me, I cried tears of.. relief and bliss.
Point being through all this is that you have to make the choice sometime in your life. And once you make it, it sticks with you. So you have to be sure to give it thought, a LOT of thought. You have to be more than content with the decision; it'll be with you for the remainder of your life. But most importantly, you have to make sure it's what you feel is right. Not what feels right at the moment, or even at the phase you're in, but what feels right as a decision for everything ahead of you.
I've made mine. Now it's your turn.
God's way, your way and ONLY your way, and the Devil's way.
About a month ago, I saw two roads- the good and the bad. I couldn't stick to one so I made my own down the middle which turned into the ugly road. I wasn't able to commit to anything or, for that matter, anyone. It sucked and I was so close to giving up forever that it almost killed me in itself.
Tonight was ADORE 2097. I saw the roads again and made my final decision. Granted, I didn't commit to that one road but I became so much closer. The first steps took such a toll on me, I cried tears of.. relief and bliss.
Point being through all this is that you have to make the choice sometime in your life. And once you make it, it sticks with you. So you have to be sure to give it thought, a LOT of thought. You have to be more than content with the decision; it'll be with you for the remainder of your life. But most importantly, you have to make sure it's what you feel is right. Not what feels right at the moment, or even at the phase you're in, but what feels right as a decision for everything ahead of you.
I've made mine. Now it's your turn.
What's Killing You?
It feels like your thoughts are following you, digging deep into your mind and soul everywhere you go, every place you stand. You try to escape but you’re suffocated by the power they have over you.
You’re in the ocean. It’s the first time you’ve rounded up enough courage to swim away from shore. You build up more confidence with every progression of strokes and kicks. All of a sudden, you’re stuck and are getting pulled under by a current. Breathing is not an option; it’s impossible to even try to get out of it. All you can feel is the water flowing through you, overtaking your whole body every time you struggle to survive through it.
Everywhere you go they haunt you. Constantly drifting in and out of the good and bad points. There is not any way to escape. Sometimes those constant thoughts cause you to lose insight and do insignificant things and overanalyze things.
Overanalyze (v): to analyze a situation to an excessive degree; to devote an exorbitant amount of time to researching a situation or thing
So, what causes someone to overanalyze? One answer- their thoughts. Thoughts which overrule your whole self, being, mind, soul.
Stay stuck in the current and slowly you’ll fade away. You’ll become a prisoner to the waves crashing and beating around you and all the uneasy feelings flowing though you, taking you under. Little, by little, by little you’re drifting away.
All that remains is one question- are your thoughts killing you?
You’re in the ocean. It’s the first time you’ve rounded up enough courage to swim away from shore. You build up more confidence with every progression of strokes and kicks. All of a sudden, you’re stuck and are getting pulled under by a current. Breathing is not an option; it’s impossible to even try to get out of it. All you can feel is the water flowing through you, overtaking your whole body every time you struggle to survive through it.
Everywhere you go they haunt you. Constantly drifting in and out of the good and bad points. There is not any way to escape. Sometimes those constant thoughts cause you to lose insight and do insignificant things and overanalyze things.
Overanalyze (v): to analyze a situation to an excessive degree; to devote an exorbitant amount of time to researching a situation or thing
So, what causes someone to overanalyze? One answer- their thoughts. Thoughts which overrule your whole self, being, mind, soul.
Stay stuck in the current and slowly you’ll fade away. You’ll become a prisoner to the waves crashing and beating around you and all the uneasy feelings flowing though you, taking you under. Little, by little, by little you’re drifting away.
All that remains is one question- are your thoughts killing you?
Newsflash?
When everything feels like its crashing, what do you do? Sit there, having pity for yourself? Stand up and take it? Allow others to walk over you, take advantage of you? Or are you like me, where you break down to what you feel is an all-time low, like you’ve hit rock bottom and nothing in this worldly power can bring you back up to where you need to be.
Well, I’ve got a big newsflash:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged. For the LORD your God will be with you, wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Read it again.
Now take it all in. Do you really understand what it means? Truly in your heart? Or do they seem like nothing but words? Because they are the least of that. It’s saying that everything you do, everything that happens to you, is in God’s hands. He is guiding you through everything, even the terribly tough things. And even though you feel like you’re nothing more than useless, vulnerable, and weak, He means for you to feel like that. It may not make sense, but we go through the things we do only so we can come out a better, stronger individual.
I was hysterically crying, barely able to gasp for breath. My face was red, puffy, and streaked with eyeliner, mascara, and eye shadow. Someone next to me just took my head into his hands and rested it on his shoulder. I heard, “Cry it all out until there’s nothing left inside of you. Feel nothing but weakness and cleanliness. Let it all out, until you’re eyes are dry of tears. He needs this from you. You’re finally beginning to let Him in with your tears. You’re breaking down to nothing, only so He can start off with a clean slate in order to build you up larger and stronger in His great image.”
I still hear those words and feel those feelings. And through the beginning of this fulfilling journey, I’ve already been faced with numerous things. I’ve had to make tough decisions, correctly. I’ve had to own up to myself. I’ve had to forgive and love even when it seemed nearly impossible. I had to ask for help, which was the most difficult of them all. I’ve always depended on myself and I refused to let anyone tell me otherwise, make me do otherwise. I must to say, asking those few simple words took SO MUCH off of me. I was afraid of feeling needy and helpless, but the response I received made me feel far from that. I’ve begun to overcome one of my internal battles.. There needs to be people in your life whom you can feel comfortable leaning on. I had two and both left. She left me for drugs, sex, and alcohol. He left me, himself, and everything he that he stood for, only for something that is bringing him down and putting him in more danger than ever before. I don’t trust many people. That’s the basis of the fact, of all the facts.
We all seem to show the opposite of what we’re feeling, or feel the opposite of what we’re showing. I know I do.
But next time, instead of faking content, happiness, and stability, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to have courage. Don’t feel discouraged because you feel as if you are alone and no one understands you and what you’re going through. There is no reason for it. Because whatever happens, there is always one person in the world who knows what’s processing in that little mind- And that one person is God. His weakness is stronger than our strongest faith, all of our strongest faith- COMBINED.
So here’s a newsflash. Everything you’re feeling right now? At this exact moment? It’s meant to be that way. Don’t be afraid to take it on, whether it’s good or bad. You’re meant to have it.
It’s not to be any other way. Period.
Well, I’ve got a big newsflash:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged. For the LORD your God will be with you, wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Read it again.
Now take it all in. Do you really understand what it means? Truly in your heart? Or do they seem like nothing but words? Because they are the least of that. It’s saying that everything you do, everything that happens to you, is in God’s hands. He is guiding you through everything, even the terribly tough things. And even though you feel like you’re nothing more than useless, vulnerable, and weak, He means for you to feel like that. It may not make sense, but we go through the things we do only so we can come out a better, stronger individual.
I was hysterically crying, barely able to gasp for breath. My face was red, puffy, and streaked with eyeliner, mascara, and eye shadow. Someone next to me just took my head into his hands and rested it on his shoulder. I heard, “Cry it all out until there’s nothing left inside of you. Feel nothing but weakness and cleanliness. Let it all out, until you’re eyes are dry of tears. He needs this from you. You’re finally beginning to let Him in with your tears. You’re breaking down to nothing, only so He can start off with a clean slate in order to build you up larger and stronger in His great image.”
I still hear those words and feel those feelings. And through the beginning of this fulfilling journey, I’ve already been faced with numerous things. I’ve had to make tough decisions, correctly. I’ve had to own up to myself. I’ve had to forgive and love even when it seemed nearly impossible. I had to ask for help, which was the most difficult of them all. I’ve always depended on myself and I refused to let anyone tell me otherwise, make me do otherwise. I must to say, asking those few simple words took SO MUCH off of me. I was afraid of feeling needy and helpless, but the response I received made me feel far from that. I’ve begun to overcome one of my internal battles.. There needs to be people in your life whom you can feel comfortable leaning on. I had two and both left. She left me for drugs, sex, and alcohol. He left me, himself, and everything he that he stood for, only for something that is bringing him down and putting him in more danger than ever before. I don’t trust many people. That’s the basis of the fact, of all the facts.
We all seem to show the opposite of what we’re feeling, or feel the opposite of what we’re showing. I know I do.
But next time, instead of faking content, happiness, and stability, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to have courage. Don’t feel discouraged because you feel as if you are alone and no one understands you and what you’re going through. There is no reason for it. Because whatever happens, there is always one person in the world who knows what’s processing in that little mind- And that one person is God. His weakness is stronger than our strongest faith, all of our strongest faith- COMBINED.
So here’s a newsflash. Everything you’re feeling right now? At this exact moment? It’s meant to be that way. Don’t be afraid to take it on, whether it’s good or bad. You’re meant to have it.
It’s not to be any other way. Period.
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